Family Meeting

Friday I get info that my son maybe smoking pot. So I did a drug test on both of my sons. The results were as expected. Positive. How devastating it was to know that. More so because their dad is struggling with drugs and alcohol. They have seen firsthand the effects it does on a family.

So I called and emergency family meeting and asked everyone to share their feelings and thoughts about what we just experienced. I asked both my boys to look at their dad and tell them how they felt when he didn't come home or if he did come home and he was high or drunk.

My youngest tried to hold in his tears as he told him that he didn't think his dad cared about him. That he cared more about his friends and partying. I asked my youngest why he smoked pot. He said he did it b/c he like the way it made him feel. He said he doesn't want to do it anymore and he has been praying to God to help him with his struggles. You know I wanted to believe him sooo much!...But how much is it lip service? I pray and pray that he really means it.

My oldest son said the last time he smoked pot was in October, which I knew about and we had been taking him to NA meetings and getting counseling. But last Friday, he went to a mutual friends house (whom's mother from another church was there) for a birthday party. I trusted this person and have known her since our children were babies. She provided alcohol for this party and told my son not to tell me about it. CAN YOU IMAGINE???? Not only did my son partake of alcohol the birthday boy and my son got high. My son proceeded to tell me everything that happened and I asked him why...he said he was feeling depressed and didn't want to feel anymore pain.

My pastor wants to talk to my husband but my husband doesn't want to..he thinks that he can do it by himself. I know he cant do it by himself!!!! He needs the Lord! I have been with my husband for 20 years and he has tried to quit and has never been able to. So I am praying that the Lord just heals him. so many times I want to just quit and give up. But I cant and I know i wont. It is such a struggle for me daily...to keep positive and know that things will get better. I need to have faith in the Lord. "I can do all things in Christ" that is my verse that I have claimed and keep it in my head and repeat it till I believe it. My mother in law (I love her soo much) got saved about 3-4 years ago and she is my anchor. she gives me encouragement but I am not able to tell her about her grandsons. I think it would devastate her and then I think to myself (which maybe its the devil) that she would blame me for the dysfunction. Why do I think that? So much in my head that I want to express and not able to b/c I'm afraid I might just "lose it"!
Okay I'm done for now.

Resisting the Devil

http://dailyintheword.org/devotional.asp
I read this every day before starting my day at work. Today's was very powerful for me. The devil is trying to get to my family. I am like a momma bear protecting her family. I will go to great lengths to make sure they are save. Like it says on the devotion
.."Never allow the devil even one foot in the door of your life; fight his temptations! When you allow him to have one part of you, no matter how small it may be, he will soon have control of your whole life."
Today I need to remind myself of this verse.. James 4:7 says, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
It's a daily struggle for me to stay close to the Lord and do my daily devotions. But I am going to do it!! I am hoping this blog will keep me accountable. I have some much to say and not sure what to share. I used to write in a journal and it seemed to help me with my thoughts.

If anyone reads this ....just know I'm a newbie about this and don't throw me under the bus!